The Fool

I have a crush.. who I’ve been crushing on since I met him years ago. He is a pretty decent guy, very fun to be with and a major flirt. We both get along so well and I am so comfortable with him. Years ago I really thought he has a thing for me, from the way he talks and his actions. I’ve always been the kind of girl who acts indifferent when it comes to my crush. I am just waiting for that guy to make the first move. I was in too deep, and then I found out that he has a girlfriend… ofcourse, I was really hurt–dangnammit! I was a fool, I got so carried away… and from then on I promised myself I won’t get swayed by him again.

I am a fool!

For the past few weeks I began talking to the same guy again. I thought we are kindred spirits. We have the same passion for arts and we both understand each other or atleast each others humor. Gee I really enjoyed talking to him again. I’ve been out of the loop for so long and its nice reminiscing with him. I was beginning to like him again… there are also times when I believed he likes me too… or so I thought, but here I am again an utter fool-a nut job. Lately, I’ve been noticing that he is flirting with other girls as well… I mean really major flirtation! And then I ask myself I don’t need this do I? I really don’t and I should have learned my lesson from the very first time with him— that when it comes to guys who runs hot and cold… I will never ever win no matter what! And I should stop hoping… as I always am.

My relationship status is— from friendster’s copyright quote “It’s complicated”— yes complicated!

It’s really hard to explain all the details, and I don’t feel like going back in time and explaining, but I did have previous posts that you might like to read about my love life…

You see, I have a steady boyfriend, yes I know, I shouldn’t be ogling or feeling things with other guys. But In my defense I have fallen out of love from my current boyfriend a long long time ago and I’ve been biding my time or more like formulating a plan when I will tell him about my quitting the relationship. I am more like scared about it and that..its really hard to do it, specially, when my family and friends really really liked him. I admit I am a coward. And I hate confrontations. I can’t explain this further its just hard.

But I thought I was able to move on this time and leave my past lovelife if only I can have that guy. The guy.

Gee in love and life there are so many challenges, not everyone will have their happy ending. There is no such thing.

Sigh… I’ve never been this jealous for a long time.

I just have to get over it.

I should just quit loving all together- a waste of time and heartache.